How to become a poker player:

Deposit $20-$50 onl.
Play some ring games, lose my to those stupid donks that c everything.
Play a few sngs and play way too ti in the end to ever get first place.
Go broke.
Keep depositing sm amounts and losing until you get lucky ni and build your $50 deposit into $900 and proceed to lose it to some donky that ced your preflop raise h 33 and flopped a set on your aces. If these fish stop getting lucky you could do this for a living.
Find a site on the internet h advice about agression and Bankroll Management. Ignore it.
Deposit $100 and play $25NL because you're already good enough that you don't need 20 buyins.
Post your bad beats on the forums and ask questions like, should I stop raising preflop and just wait to see t the flop brings?
Make rediculous hero cs and remember them when they work and forget them when they don't.
Lose more my.
Onl poker sucks, play at the card room.
Put $100 down on the $1/$2 game and played scared. Win $30 or $40 and be proud of yourself.
Try to repeat h more confidence and lose lots of my to loose donkys.
Meet people and get into local tournaments.
Learn how to play bad from people who've been doing it for years.
Watch rounders and decide to read super/system.
Skip to the NL chapter and skim thru it, feel like superman.
Play way too loose agressive for the smer games and get beat on by tier players.
Win a local tourney or two h that newfound agression.
Go back to the casino and play ti. You can't lose t you don't put in the middle.
Watch your stack shrink h the rake or time payments. Think, "Gee, onl had less rake, ri?"
Deposite another $100, you're serious this time, ti play and a bankroll.
Buy into the $25nl game h $10. Lose it to a bad beat and rebuy full. Realize you just went broke again.
Post onl and ask t went wrong. Don't listen when they tell you about 20 buyins. You're better than that.
Put another $200 onl and play $50nl. The better players at this limit wont be cing h that garbage.
Fuck onl. They're probably cheating anyway.
Get back to the casino. Buy in for $200 this time, those guys onl said deep stacked means more EVs or something.
Double up early. You're killing these guys, order a jack strai up.
Damn, lost it to that ti guy h the aces. Hit the ATM, you can get it back, there's only decent player at that table.
A few drinks later, take your last $40 to the bar upstairs h the video poker and the free drinks...
No more playing drunk, I'm serious this time. The guys onl were ri, it's not the other players, I'm fucking up on my own.
Play more $1/$2 at the casino. Win a few sessions. Damn, this isn't much my, lemme check out that $2/$5 game.
Go broke again. Good thing you have a job, I didn't when I went thru this shit.
It's the variance thing they were talking about. Why didn't doyle tell me about that in the book?
Buy ToP and give up reading 3 pages in.
Deposit another $100 to play $10nl h. Do t the guys onl say, get tracking software.
Go on monkey tilt and lose almost your whole roll.
Go back and see t you did wrong.
Decide to play h 20 buyins.
Start learning to play poker.
Become a player.
1) Realize that you suck.
2) Ask for help.
3) Listen to t other better individuals tell you.
3a) - Fuck the t in which they say it h. Focus on the message/advice!!!
4) Absorb the information.
4a) - Latch onto the nuts of a better player if you can.
5) Think about the game on your own.
6) Study the game on your own.
7) Talk to others about t you studied.
8) Repeat #2 - #7
9) Realize #1 will always be true.
10) Profit.
I have a friend who insists that the most fun you can have playing poker is when your rent my is on the table. I tell him that the most fun is actuy paying your rent h my you won playing poker. So he says stuff like, "You know t I mean" and I say stuff like, "You don't know t I mean." I started writing this for him, but at some point I realized it's not going to help him.